North Carolina to Pensions: YOLO into Ethereum
The Crypto Cowboys Just Moved into the Statehouse
Raleigh just took a big swing â and no, itâs not baseball season. On Wednesday, the North Carolina House approved a bill letting the state treasurer invest up to 5% of public funds in cryptocurrencies and digital assets. That includes the $129 billion state pension fund that supports our firefighters, teachers, and police officers â or as weâll now call them, âWeb3 stakeholders.â
The âNorth Carolina Digital Assets Investment Actâ sounds like something a 23-year-old Bitcoin bro pitched in a WeWork, but itâs very real â sponsored by 27 Republicans and passed with just enough fanfare to make Satoshi Nakamoto blush. If signed into law, it would let the state treasury dabble in everything from Bitcoin to âprobably not a scam this timeâ coin.
The plan also calls for the State Bureau of Investigation to explore how seized crypto assets could fund a state-run digital reserve. Thatâs right â weâre now counting on criminal crypto to subsidize public services. Somewhere, a former NFT influencer is nodding solemnly.
Even spicier? The bill nudges the idea of a retirement program that lets state employees opt into crypto-based portfolios. Because nothing says long-term stability like a digital currency that loses 30% value during lunch.
No oneâs mentioned the risks out loud â probably because the words âcollapsed exchangeâ and âpublic pensionâ donât play well in the same sentence. But donât worry, legislators are sure this will work better than Dogecoin at a gas station.
And while Wall Street may still be lukewarm on Bitcoin, Raleigh is apparently bullish enough to take grandmaâs retirement for a spin on the blockchain.
Hold onto your pension, North Carolina. Or maybe your private key.
â Yours in caffeine and chaos,
Nell âHODL the Creamerâ Thomas
Senior writer at The Charlotte Mercury and resident crypto-skeptic at Strolling Ballantyne. I once lost $40 in Ethereum trying to buy a GIF of a cat. Donât @ me.
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Stay sharp, Ballantyne. The blockchain is watching.
